CanCan!
by MycroftsAngelEyes
Summary: How do you save the day with a piano? If you're Ronon you throw, if you're sheppard you blow it up, if you're Teyla you make sticks with it, if you're McKay you play the Can-Can?...
1. The CanCan!

**This is my first SGA fic so please don't whump it – or me! I'm a McKay fan and so it's only logical that this is Rodney-centric! **

**Tell me what you think of it as I'm mostly doing Torchwood fics so, I'm in new territory here! Hope you enjoy it and laugh or cry or something!**

**Enjoy...**

**Can-Can!**

I can play the piano extremely well from a purely clinical point of view. From an empathic point of view though I'd be better off with the triangle.

I told Sheppard I could play and I left it at that, never to be brought up again; well, I hoped for it never to be brought up again but I'm a pessimist.

I have no luck as well, so if something can be used to make my life a misery full of embarrassment then it'll be used just as surely as the nuclear fusion will take place in a star. I never would've guessed that there was something that resembled a piano in the Pegasus Galaxy in a thousand years. Stupid I know but it honestly never crossed my mind – which is saying something because my mind thinks about _everything_!

I guess the reason I'm going on about piano's and my luck is because of the most unlikely dilemma I currently find myself in.

Lieutenant Colonel 'flyboy' Sheppard is currently on knees with a sharp knife at his throat, Ronon 'the barbarian with a blaster' Dex is growling at anything that comes within 10 feet of him and being held at bay by a mean looking gun, and Teyla is out of it. She's lying on the floor next to Sheppard looking like she's asleep, if you ignore the growing egg-shaped lump of her head that is. And I'm sitting at the Pegasus Galaxy's version of a piano being ordered to play all because of the stupid flyboy who couldn't drop the 'Rodney-can-play-the-piano' tid bit of information that he's recently rediscovered in that sorry-excuse-for-a-brain of his!

"Play for us man of science of your friends will suffer painful deaths" the ugly guy, I'll call him Shrek because he really does look like an ogre, says to me whilst poking me in the ribs with a knife sharp enough to slice through the material of my tac-vest.

I have an excellent comeback on the tip of my tongue but I catch the look Sheppard gives me; it's his 'don't-bitch-at-the-guy-and-do-as-he-says' look. So I begrudgingly keep my mouth shut and study the keys on the piano.

It's not really a piano, well it's not a grand-piano at any rate but it's got keys and I'm hoping the other parts that a piano needs to play. Anyway the keys, black and white; ebony and ivory but I doubt they have elephants here so I'll stick to calling them black and white, I don't know what they're made of and I don't think I want to know. Each of the keys have been expertly made, the only thing on this thing that have been, they're the same dimensions as the keys on an Earth piano and I think the notes are the same. Small mercies I suppose.

"Hate to rush you McKay but I have a date with someone back home who I'd like to see again so if you could start playing sometime this millennia" Sheppard said trying not to dislodge the blade against his throat, he didn't need a shave.

"Well, I'm sorry Colonel! I'll just start hitting random keys and see how it sounds shall I? I'm sure that'll get us home even quicker than me actually trying to play in some semblance of order won't it!" That's not the comeback I have in mind for Sheppard but I think I don't want the entire military contingent on Atlantis using me for target practise so I'll leave it at that. Back to focusing on playing something I haven't played on in years.

Please, let God be my friend today!

Soft and fluid, make it soft and fluid. Continuous, don't slow it down too much, let it flow like water. Don't freak out if you miss a note, they don't know the piece do they? No. At least, I hope they don't.

Okay, I know this is all unfeeling and everything but it's as good as it's going to get so if you'll just stop poking with that knife I'll be fine. Thank-you, now turn around and go play chicken in the street!

Come on guys, I'm distracting them here! Ronon be a good big barbarian and rip to shreds, Sheppard be a good military man and save the unconscious damsel. I'll just keep playing to distract them.

Strange how they're reacting to the music, you'd think the music was controlling them, relaxing them. I'm saving the day with music! That's... that's, well, that's laughable!

"Colonel! Can we get out of here now?" I shout over the music that's being created by me. I hope to God that after I stop they'll all be like they are now; sleepy sheep.

"Come on McKay!" Sheppard shouts as he appears beside me, damn he's fast! He grabs my arm and drags me away from the piano, I'm out of the door on the other side of the room in less than ten seconds and still being dragged down the muddy street towards the puddle jumper.

"You made them cry McKay." Sheppard says to me as he starts the jumper up, Ronon's lain Teyla down on one of the benches and is sitting behind me in his seat.

"What? I made them cry?" I say, I don't believe it, how can you cry to anything I play? I'm a clinical player, not an emotional one.

"I know, how the heck did you get them to cry to the 'can-can'?" Sheppard laughs as he pilots us back to the gate and Atlantis. "Elizabeth's never going to believe this!"

All I can think at that time is 'her and me both'! I made a Shrek cry playing the Can-can! This Galaxy's messed up!

FIN

**So? How was it? Good, bad? I'd love to know you opinion on this, if you think it's good I might do what happens at Atlantis when they tell Elizabeth! **


	2. The Debriefing

**Here's the mission debriefing! I'm so enjoying this!**

**Elizabeth and Carson are still in Atlantis so it's season 3? Yeah, Ronon's there too so season 3!**

**Hope you enjoy reading what I've enjoyed writing!**

**The Debriefing**

Sitting around the table in the conference room were Lt. Colonel Sheppard, Teyla, Ronon, Dr. Carson Beckett, Dr. Elizabeth Weir and the one and only Dr. Rodney McKay. Of these people sitting around the table all but two weren't laughing, these two were none other than Sheppard and McKay.

Carson looked at Sheppard and McKay before saying to Elizabeth with his Scottish brogue, "Do yae think that they've gone a wee bit hysterical?" He himself thought the entire situation was absurdly hilarious but he refused to laugh; he settled for quiet chuckling.

Elizabeth, who was an expert at not laughing due to being a mediator, looked at Carson before focusing on the two troublesome boys at the bottom of the table. "Colonel, Doctor. Do you think you could perhaps in form me as to how you escaped the natives on PXR-924?" She gave them a stern and reprimanding look befitting a mother, but it only served to make the duo laugh harder.

Ronon shifted slightly in his seat before responding to Elizabeth's question for the two hyena's next to him. "Sheppard mentioned that McKay can play a piano on the planet, the natives held us at gun and knife point so McKay would play. He played, they cried, we got outta there. Simple." His reply was to the point and less of a grunt as a grumble of displeasure, he still wasn't happy at being threatened by a bunch of cowards.

"Okay, so why are the Colonel and Rodney laughing like the Joker?" Carson wondered aloud, his wondering didn't help with Sheppard's or McKay's laughter and they began to hyperventilate. "Easy laddies, don't make me get out a needle." He added making sure his voice was slightly menacing. He hoped that it would sober the pair up.

It most definitely did.

Sheppard collapsed back into his chair whilst McKay leaned against the table as he desperately tried to breathe.

"Couldn't help it Carson." Sheppard panted out between deep-breaths. "Too funny not to laugh."

"What's so funny about this John, you could've died?" Elizabeth snapped, glaring at the Colonel waiting for an answer.

McKay chose that moment to gasp, "Can-can..." before he was off giggling again, his entire body shaking.

"Can you explain to me what the can-can has got to do with this?" Elizabeth said before her eyes widened slightly in shock."

"Sheppard said that McKay made the locals cry by playing something called 'The Can-can'." Ronon grunted as Sheppard dissolved into another fit of laughter and McKay continued to giggle.

Carson looked at Ronon and said, "Are yae serious lad?" he looked incredulously at the two hyenas when Ronon nodded at him before joining them in gales of laughter.

Ronon and Teyla looked at each other in confusion as the three men continued to laugh.

Elizabeth herself bit her lip in an effort to not join in the laughter. Glancing at the watch on her wrist she suddenly announced, "Well, this mission debriefing is over. Why don't you all go down to the infirmary and have your post-mission check-up before turning in?" Without a second glance to see if any of them had actually listened she left the room incredibly quickly and made a bee-line for her office.

Once she was inside she mentally locked the door. Leaning against it she let her laughter out and slid down the door to the floor. All she could think of was **'Saved by the **_**Can-can**_**!'**

FIN

**Well, I hoped you liked it. After all, I'm new at doing SGA fics so I can't be brilliant at everything! Doesn't mean I won't try of course!**

**What did you think of it? I like reviews quite a lot so if you'd be so kind... ^.^**

**If I ever go to another planet I'm making sure I know how to play the Can-Can! LOLz**


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